I showed him my bush... on skype.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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