She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
