"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
