he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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