need another drink. this is the easiest way
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
