if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
