We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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