I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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