I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
