so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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