I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
