Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
