Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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