im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
