i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
