One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
