Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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