I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
