Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
