dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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