and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize