it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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