2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
