I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize