Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
