Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
