My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
