My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
