Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize