is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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