she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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