I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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