He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
