i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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