Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
