Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
