I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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