Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
