He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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