Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
