So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
