i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my poor anus
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
