Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
