I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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