69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
