My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
