proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
