I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
