after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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