My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
