People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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