I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
