Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize