I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
