I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you never un-have a 4some
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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