I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize