im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Someone shit on the floor
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Randomize
