Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
