Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
