Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
