Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
