I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
