I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
