I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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