Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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