Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
