I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
