she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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